As Heard on TV

A place for all your favorite TV quotes!

Also check out filmquotes & my personal tumblr!
Sun Nov 8
“ The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They’re mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well read, which makes them very dangerous. Leslie, Parks and Recreation 2.08 (via fujiidom) (via falulatonks)
Sat Nov 7

Brothers & Sisters

wmera:

sheema:

Kevin: Who goes to Mexico and comes back looking skinny? Remember that summer I spent in Wahaca? I looked like I had eaten an entire Backstreet Boy.

Scotty: Ooh I hope it wasn’t Nick Carter, he’s my favorite.

cheia: frakyeah30rock: Pete: It won’t be, because this is what you’re doing. Liz: I’m driving a bus? Pete: No, you’re opening the flood gates. Liz: With a horizontal wheel? Pete: FLOOD GATE WHEELS ARE HORIZONTAL! - 30 Rock, 4x04 Audition Day

cheia:

frakyeah30rock:

Pete: It won’t be, because this is what you’re doing.
Liz: I’m driving a bus?
Pete: No, you’re opening the flood gates.
Liz: With a horizontal wheel?
Pete: FLOOD GATE WHEELS ARE HORIZONTAL!

- 30 Rock, 4x04 Audition Day

“ Vampires are meant to be frightening, not some actor douchebag with big hair. “Aaah, don’t worry, I only care about you and I’m a vegetarian.” That’s not a vampire, that’s a Jonas brother. Craig Ferguson (via decompose)
breathsoftruth: fuckyeahsheldonpenny: sheldoncooper: fujiidom: Sheldon: Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes? Penny: Uh, no, no, not really. Listen, didn’t you say you needed some eggs? Sheldon: Yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket. Penny: Oh, okay. Well, then maybe you should start heading on out then. Sheldon: No, this is fun. Oh, the thing about tomatoes — and I think you’ll really enjoy this — is they’re shelved with the vegetables, but they’re technically a fruit. Penny: Oh, interesting. Sheldon: Isn’t it? Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable. The Big Bang Theory 1.04 - The Luminous Fish Effect

breathsoftruth:

fuckyeahsheldonpenny:

sheldoncooper:

fujiidom:

Sheldon: Hey, you want to hear an interesting thing about tomatoes?

Penny: Uh, no, no, not really. Listen, didn’t you say you needed some eggs?

Sheldon: Yes, but anyone who knows anything about the dynamics of bacterial growth knows to pick up their refrigerated foods on the way out of the supermarket.

Penny: Oh, okay. Well, then maybe you should start heading on out then.

Sheldon: No, this is fun. Oh, the thing about tomatoes — and I think you’ll really enjoy this — is they’re shelved with the vegetables, but they’re technically a fruit.

Penny: Oh, interesting.

Sheldon: Isn’t it?

Penny: No, I mean what you find enjoyable.

The Big Bang Theory 1.04 - The Luminous Fish Effect

“ So you talked to Tammy? What’s it like staring into the eye of Satan’s butthole? Ron Swanson, Parks & Recreation (via sheema) (via falulatonks)
fuckyeahbjnovak: “I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t wanna go to.”

fuckyeahbjnovak:

“I miss the days when there was only one party I didn’t wanna go to.”

Fri Nov 6
falulatonks: iaritcha: fuckyeahhousemd: Dr. Chase: Hey, Foreman. Yo’ Momma’s so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backin’ up!

falulatonks:

iaritcha: fuckyeahhousemd:

Dr. Chase: Hey, Foreman. Yo’ Momma’s so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backin’ up!

meghanclaire: calikalie: Andy: You give me a gift, BAM! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere, POW! RSVP. You do me a favor, WHAM! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness. The Office, 6x08 Double Date

meghanclaire:

calikalie:

Andy: You give me a gift, BAM! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere, POW! RSVP. You do me a favor, WHAM! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.

The Office, 6x08 Double Date

“ I’m not robbing the cradle. If anything, I am robbing the grave. Michael Scott, Double Date, The Office (via sheema) (via soy)